In my first post on the site, I asked the question, “When is NOW the time to tell the world about child sexual abuse?”
In the general sense, there is no time like the present to tell the world about this crime, a crime that affects 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys under the age of 18 in the United States alone.
But when is it the right time for YOU to tell the world about YOUR experience?
For me, the telling of my story has been an ongoing process. I had discussed it with family and close friends many times over the years, but telling my story in a public manner was a long time coming. I wrote one of my first newspaper columns about my experience in the summer of 2001, and had shared the experience several times more before writing my book, “Call Me A Survivor” in the summer of 2012.
I’m taking my message worldwide now and using my voice to speak out on the subject. My weekly video chat on Spreecast.com is another avenue to talk about my experience, and I’m building a calendar of public speaking events and looking to make an impact in my state legislature here in Nebraska as well.
But when is it the right time for YOU to speak out about YOUR experience?
That’s a question I can’t answer. In fact, there is really only one person who can answer that question, and that person is you.
We all have our own comfort levels when it comes to speaking out about personal issues. Some, like me, are completely open and up front about what happened to them and the impact the attack has had on our lives.
There are many out there, though, who are either afraid to tell their story, or simply want to forget it ever happened and live with the pain that came with the attack that they survived.
I’ve met several people, during the course of my travels, who have told me about their experiences. At some point in the conversation, they say something along the lines of “I’ve never told this to anybody before.” They are shocked that they felt comfortable telling me about their experience, and at the same time they realize just what a weight it was that they have lifted off their shoulders by sharing their experience with someone they feel they can trust.
At first, I was surprised at who I was getting responses from when I wrote my local newspaper columns. Business people, educators, and fellow working members of the media were calling, texting, e-mailing and Facebooking me, thanking me for sharing my story and then telling a little bit about their experience. These were people that I have developed professional (and, in some cases, personal) relationships with who were sharing their stories. It was mind-blowing, and yet it was something that I feel privileged to have been called upon by God to experience.
Part of my purpose in all that I have done, from the book to this website, is to make sure that my fellow survivors understand that it is OK to tell someone, anyone and everyone about their experience. Those who have attacked us count on us to remain silent. They use fear, intimidation and threats of physical violence (or other means) to keep us from spilling the beans. For as many cases of sexual assault that are reported each year, studies have shown that there are up to 10 times as many unreported cases that we never hear about.
One friend mine is a survivor who feels she can’t tell her story yet. She wants to in the worst way, but feels there is retribution awaiting both her and her family if she were to bring her story out of the darkness. Her story is safe with me until she is ready, and I have a feeling that day is going to come very soon for her. I hope and pray that she finds the strength and experiences the freedom that telling my story has brought me at this point in my life.
If you feel that telling your story won’t make any kind of difference, know that you couldn’t be more wrong. There are many, many people out there who need to know that they are not alone in their suffering, and those of us who have summoned the courage and strength to tell our story are helping those who wait to tell theirs.
The bottom line, though is that YOU will be tell your story only when YOU are ready. Your NOW moment will be one that you will feel in the deepest part of your soul, and it will give you the strength you need to get that story to come out. Do not buy into the fear and intimidation if you know telling your story will help you and help others as well.
When the time comes, let it rock.