The great 19th century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
One year ago, my book, “Call Me A Survivor” was published. It is a personal account of my life as a survivor of sexual assault, and it was a project that I went into with an abundant amount of fear.
This wasn’t the first time that I had written about my experience – the first time I told anyone outside of my family and close circle of friends was when I wrote a letter to a district judge in Nebraska that helped put my perpetrator behind bars for an unrelated sexual assault he had committed 20 years after he attacked me. I had also written several personal columns in newspapers that I had worked for over the years, so writing about my experience wasn’t something I was afraid of doing.
There were, however, a lot of other things that scared me, things that could potentially impact or kill my hopes of writing this book:
– What if my facts regarding my case were wrong, which would damage my credibility to bring a personal account to the topic of child sexual assault?
– What if the people I interviewed didn’t want to talk about it? Remembering back that long is difficult in and of itself, but if the memories were too depressing or dark for them to deal with, they might not want to reflect back on that day.
– What if the book wasn’t well received? Would people even care about the life of a young boy who grew up with all of this negative energy that came from something that happened so long ago and still affected me almost 40 years later?
– There are many out there whose experience was more than a one-time occurrence, as mine was. Would people who had lived a life where they were abused repeatedly over the course of months and years, whether by one or more than one, be able to relate to my story? Would I be able to relate to theirs?
I faced all of these fears and, still, was able to summon the creative talent, energy, desire and will to write this book. And now that the book has been out, my focus has been on speaking publicly about child sexual assault, encouraging and supporting those who have been through the same experience, and work to help educate legislators and help pass stronger laws that educate the public and put those who commit this crime behind bars with stronger sentencing guidelines.
When we are attacked by our perpetrators, the fear and intimidation we face can also be countered by facing up to those fears and bringing our attackers to justice.
We are often told that nobody will believe us if we tell anyone about the crime our perpetrator has brought upon us. We are threatened with bodily harm, or financial distress, or a destruction of the family unit if we tell anyone about what has taken place.
Those fears are easily overcome, if you will just take action. That’s what the Tell (Some, Any, Every) One concept is all about – tell whoever you can, however many times it takes, until you bring your perpetrator to justice.
One of the first things my parents did after I was attacked – and remember, this is 1976 so this was some good thinking on their part – was to get me to a medical examiner. I was taken to my doctor’s office within minutes of the moment I ran screaming into the house, and I was checked out by my doctor and evidence was gathered that helped authorities make an arrest.
Today, most hospitals have what is known as a Sexual Assault Response Team, which includes medical and psychological personnel who can help deal with the medical issues and gather evidence that can be turned over to the authorities, which would help them in their investigation and eventual arrest and conviction of your perpetrator.
Perpetrators of sexual crimes, especially those who attack children, count on intimidation to hide their crimes and allow themselves to continue the attack, whether on the same individual or countless others. If those threats allow the fear of what might happen to keep us from bringing these evil creatures to justice, then the perpetrator wins. Only by overcoming that fear of the unknown to do the right thing and brings these individuals to their proper judgement will we be able to carry on and live the lives we deserve to live.
We have two choices as survivors of sexual assault – we can continue to live in fear, or we can face the fear and be stronger people because of it. I know which road I’ll travel on, and I pray that you will join me on that journey.