One of the first things that I discovered, as I began to publicly talk about my experience as a survivor of sexual assault, is that I’m not alone.
After publication of my first book, “Call Me A Survivor” last fall, I began to speak publicly about my experience. I went on radio shows, did TV interviews and spoke to social and support groups in and around my home town of Wayne, Neb.
Without fail, there would be a connection with someone who had been through something similar to what I experienced behind the swimming pool in Newman Grove, Neb., back in the spring of 1976. Somebody would come up and tell me about how a family member, a friend of the family or somebody they believed they could trust had violated them and left emotional and mental scars that they never thought they could heal from — and they would come and thank me for being brave enough to tell my story and give them the encouragement to come to terms with what they had experienced.
Of course, by the time I began to speak publicly, I knew that my experience was not unique. In fact, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys under the age of 18 in the United States have been sexually assaulted — and how many more in the adult community had to grow up with this horrible experience as a part of their lives? Thousands? Millions? It’s hard to say for sure.
This past April, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of about 100 students at Wayne State College during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I had been before small groups of people that I knew from other community events, but this would be the first time I’d be talking to a group of people I didn’t know (outside of the handful of family members and friends who attended).
I wasn’t sure what would happen when I was done — and was totally taken by an observation a friend of mine made after the program.
I had brought copies of my book along to try and sell, but when you’re playing to a room full of college students, you’re not going to do a lot in the way of sales because college students rarely have money and, if they do, they have more important things to spend it on than a book. (I was a college kid many moons ago, so I know I speak from experience on this . . . the only way I’d buy ANY reading material back then would be to use it as a cover-up for the bottle of alcohol I’d try to sneak into my dorm room.)
As the room cleared out, my family and friends were talking, and somebody asked me how many books I had sold. I knew it wasn’t much, but before I could answer, my friend stepped in and said, “Never mind how many books you sold — did you see how many kids walked out of here CRYING? You made a HUGE impact here tonight that went beyond how many books you sold.”
And he was right — I had a number of people come up to me in the days after that speech and tell me how important it was for them to hear my speech and know that they weren’t alone. And the fact that it was a GUY talking about being sexually assaulted was an even bigger deal — because guys aren’t supposed to be “victims” of sexual assault (although, undoubtedly, they are in far more frequent numbers than anyone wants to believe).
As I continued to speak to other groups, I realized that what I was doing is something that needs to be heard by more than just those people living within a 40-mile radius of me — this is a nationwide problem that needs as many voices out there speaking and advocating for something to be done to help those whose lives have been shattered by this horrible, unthinkable crime.
And so today — Sunday, Oct. 20, 2013 — just two weeks shy of the one-year anniversary of my book’s publication, I officially set out on my journey as a “professional” public speaker. I am speaking to the Thrivent Lutheran organization at their annual meeting — in my hometown, coincidentally — and will be speaking to a couple of schools in Nebraska this week and next (keep checking my schedule for updates). I am working on making contact with other schools, libraries and community groups to get the word out and get people thinking about what we can do to stop the sexual assault of children in the United States. (And if you’d like to get in touch with me about scheduling a date, e-mail me at mike@mikeycproductions.com and I will send information on to you.)
At the present time, I must juggle my speaking engagements with my present job as managing editor of The Wayne Herald, but my goal is to make public speaking and advocacy for those who are survivors of child sexual assault my life’s work on a full-time basis by my 50th birthday (May 17, 2016, if you’d like to mark that down on your calendar). It will take a good deal of time and effort, as well as an unshakable belief that this WILL happen, but it is something that I believe is more than worth the effort.
I believe it will happen, because I know that I’m not alone — and I will make sure those who have been through this experience know they aren’t, either.