Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to being a survivor of sexual assault.
Since publishing my book “Call Me A Survivor” two years ago, I’ve been out speaking publicly about my experience. I’ve told my story, over and over, to people of all ages, races, genders, shapes and sizes. I’ve spoken to thousands of school-age students and adults about what I went through.
After one of my first speeches, a young lady came up to me with tears in her eyes, hugged me, and thanked me for telling my story. She didn’t have to tell me that we had a shared experience as survivors of sexual assault, but it was clear to me that what I had said about my own experience had made her think about her own experience.
That’s part of the reason why I talk about my own experience in front of people – I know there are countless men and women, young and old, who have been through this experience and have had to live with it for however many years. I was somewhat fortunate in that my perpetrator was brought to justice (his didn’t come as a result of my case, but I was able to get some sense of closure many years later – details are in my book). Many of the people who experience sexual assault are intimidated or otherwise forced into a vow of silence, allowing the criminal to walk away from the crime without punishment.
The hardest part for a sexual assault survivor is bringing their perpetrator to justice. Those who commit these crimes will use any and every possible act of intimidation to silence their victims. Threats of violence (if not the actual act), legal maneuverings, withholding of opportunities, bribes of money or gifts – a perpetrator will play any and every card in the deck to keep their victims silent. And the higher they are in society, the easier it is for them to get away with it.
More and more these days, survivors are coming out and speaking about what has happened to them, and it seems to get more play in the mainstream media when the crime involves somebody who is famous or well-known to the majority of the population. These crimes, more often than not, challenge our way of thinking, particularly if the alleged perpetrator is somebody well-known in our society.
Recently, stories have come out regarding legendary comedian, TV personality and Jell-O pudding pitchman Bill Cosby. I don’t have to tell you what he’s done over the course of his career – if you’ve lived in America more than 30 minutes, you know about everything from the “Fat Albert” cartoons he authored on Saturday mornings to “The Cosby Show,” one of the all-time great situation comedies in American TV history.
His comedy albums in the 60’s and 70’s were pure comic genius. I’ve had the opportunity to see his shows on TV and attended one live a few years ago, and his unique perspective on everything from raising children to being married have always made me laugh hysterically.
When these stories first came out, it was hard for me to believe, as I’m sure it was for anybody who has seen the guy over the last 50 years. He comes off as pleasant, friendly, intelligent – not the kind of guy who would sexually assault women.
A story posted on the Washington Post’s website, though, paints quite a different picture of the real-life man from the one we’ve seen on TV and on stage – numerous accounts of women who were drugged and sexually assaulted by a man who held considerable influence in American entertainment and society, and it’s taken these survivors 30-40 years or more to come forth and tell their stories.
Of course, Cosby has not been arrested or charged with any crimes relating to these stories, and attorneys for the family have gone out of their way to discredit the individuals who claim they were attacked by Cosby. His attorneys are spending a lot of time and effort trying to get us to believe that these crimes never happened and that these women are opportunistic individuals who are trying to benefit financially at the expense of the integrity of a comedy legend.
As much as I have enjoyed Cosby’s work over the years, though, I have to wonder if there isn’t something to these stories these women have come out with. One person telling a story is one thing – but when it’s multiple individuals telling very similar stories in how they were assaulted, it’s hard to just dismiss it, regardless of Cosby’s standing in American entertainment history.
Also, consider that a number of major corporations who have been, or were planning on, doing business with Cosby – people like the NBC television network, Netflix and others – are suddenly pulling the plug on these relationships with the comedian. These corporations wouldn’t be so quick to sever ties unless there was some fire fueling the smoke, would they?
If there’s anything I’ve learned with this experience, it’s that the phrase “Now I’ve seen (read, heard) it all” will quickly be proven wrong. What ultimately becomes of the situation between these women and Cosby remains to be seen. Regardless, it won’t be something that will surprise me.