Comedian Adam Ferrara has a funny bit about friends who aren’t doctors, but also aren’t shy about offering medical device. And I can’t help thinking about this as I write the following:
I’m not a doctor, but . . .
One of the things survivors of sexual assault must deal with, one way or another, are some of the symptoms that are consistent with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, also known as PTSD.
The Mayo Clinic’s website defines PTSD as a mental health condition that is set into motion by a terrifying event, such as a sexual assault. Flashbacks are common, as are nightmares and severe anxiety.
For some people, the aftermath of the experience includes some of these experiences, but survivors adjust and are able to cope with it. For others, though, the problems that come from the nightmares and the flashbacks say with them for a long time and can be a real detriment to living the kind of healthy and happy life we all deserve to live.
The memory of what happened can come back at any time, and its manifestation can be triggered by even the most unlikely of situations.
I was attacked in the spring of 1976 and had numerous nightmares and flashbacks about the experience. They lessened in frequency and severity over time, but one situation that happened more than 20 years later triggered a panic attack that actually helped me achieve a certain degree of justice for what happened to me two decades earlier.
In the summer of 1998, I was working as a sports writer for the Norfolk Daily News in Norfolk, Neb. As I was finishing up a page that I had laid out for that day’s paper, I was looking at another page that had the county court record with information on court cases, traffic infractions, marriages and other public information from the courthouse that is regularly published in newspapers.
I had no real reason to look at the page, other than that it was there on the paste-up board. I started scanning to the names, laughing at myself as I wondered if there would be somebody I knew in the criminal court section. Not being a guy that regularly hung out with the area’s criminal element, the thought that somebody I knew might be on the list elicited a laugh.
And then . . . I saw his name and the crime he was being charged with – first-degree sexual assault.
The flashback that came suddenly made me tremble. I could feel myself shaking, my eyes welling up with tears. I quickly composed myself, excused myself from work for the day and drove to the county courthouse to read up on the case.
I found that my attacker had sexually assaulted a vulnerable adult on a county road. He had a rather dubious history in the court system, everything from sexual assault to impersonating a police officer.
Working with the county attorney, I wrote a letter to the district judge and explained my connection to the attacker. For the first time, I told my story to someone outside of my personal circle of friends and family. The letter made a huge impact – the county attorney said the district judge had traditionally given 1-2 year sentences for this crime, but he wound up throwing the book at this individual – he got five years in prison (the maximum sentence in Nebraska at that time) and had to register as a lifetime member of the state’s Sex Offender Registry.
Fortunately, the flashback that I had at that moment ultimately had a positive outcome. However, there are many other symptoms that survivors of sexual assault deal with that could be linked to PTSD.
Symptoms can include:
– upsetting nightmares about the event
– feeling emotionally numb
– feelings of hopelessness
– discontinuing activities you once enjoyed
– trouble concentrating or remembering things
– difficulty maintaining close friendships or relationships
– uncontrollable irritability or anger
– overwhelming guilt or shame
– self-destructive behavior (drinking, drugs, sexual activity)
– being easily frightened
– hearing or seeing things that don’t exist
PTSD is also difficult for those who are in the survivor’s inner circle. They want to help, but may not have a point of reference in their personal history to use in an effort to help the survivor. It’s common for us to want to say something like “I know how you feel” to help ease the tension. However, if you haven’t been through the experience yourself, you really have no idea HOW or WHAT a survivor is feeling or experiencing.
Fortunately, there are some things you CAN do to help a survivor who might be experiencing some of the symptoms of PTSD:
– Listen, but don’t force the issue. Help the survivor understand that you are there if they need a shoulder to lean on, but don’t insist that they unload everything. Let it happen on THEIR schedule, and be ready and willing to receive the information when they are ready to give it to you.
– Find a place and time to chat. When they are ready, make sure you can sit down and chat without any outside distractions. Whether it’s the local coffee shop or around the dining room table at home, sit down and REALLY listen. If you don’t understand something, ask for clarification. And make sure the phrase “I know just how you feel” is NEVER used . . . unless, of course, you have personally experienced a similar situation in your life.
– Take five. If things are getting a little too stressful, don’t be afraid to take a time out. Everything doesn’t have to come out all at once, and if either of you are feeling a little too intense about things, step back for a minute and pick up the conversation at a later time. Make sure you follow through on it, though . . . don’t leave your friend or loved one hanging out there feeling like they don’t have someone to talk to.
– Don’t minimize the threat of suicide. Sometimes, a survivor feels they have no choice left but to take their own life. Be cool about it, but don’t let the threat go without taking whatever steps are needed to keep the survivor safe and alive. If there is imminent danger of a suicide, call 911 or your local emergency number immediately. Make sure everything from medications, sharp objects or firearms are not in a location that is easily accessible. Stay with that individual until help arrives.
But don’t take my word for it (remember, I’m not a doctor). The Mayo Clinic has some wonderful information about PTSD available on their website, and I would encourage you to read through their information and, if you are suffering from some of the symptoms listed, to talk with your healthcare provider and get the help you need to win the battle.