Under normal circumstances, April 1 is a day I look forward to.
Since I’m the self-designated practical joker in the family, April Fools Day is usually a fun day for me. If you remember the MTV show “Punk’d” where Ashton Kutcher would play practical jokes on people, that’s the kind of hijinks that make up a normal April Fools Day for me.
One of my favorite pranks was the day I called my dad out of the blue and told him I’d been asked to take over a job as a beat writer for an NBA team. Going from a small-town Nebraska daily newspaper to the big NBA metropolis was such a shocking bit of news, and he fell for it all — even the part about the newspaper owning its own golf course and private school.
This April 1, however, there is a different vibe surrounding the day for me.
The month of April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, a great opportunity to spread the message on sexual assault and helping those who have been through the experience. Rather than trying to see if I can fool somebody with a good practical joke, I thought it would be a great opportunity for me to speak out about my experience as a survivor and, hopefully, help those who have been through the experience find their voice as well.
I was hoping to do a month-long tour of speaking engagements, but more time and planning needed to go into a venture of that magnitude. Still, I’ve been able to line up a few speaking engagements for the month, and I’m working to get in print, on the radio and even on TV to raise awareness of sexual assault and the impact it has, especially on the lives of our young people.
I’ve been getting ready for my first big speech, which comes up later this week, and I’ve been going back and re-reading some of the initial information that I found as I began speaking publicly about my experience — and that information continues to blow my mind when I think of how many children in this country are dealing with the trauma of being a victim of sexual assault.
Here in Nebraska, if we took the Centers For Disease Control study that found 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys would experience a sexual assault before their 18th birthdays and applied it to the current statewide K-12 enrollment in our school systems, we’d have enough kids to fill up three-fourths of Memorial Stadium — that’s more than 70,000 school-age children.
I’ll be busy during the next month, working on speeches and talking about sexual assault during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Look for more entries and information here in the days ahead.
Category Archives: Speaking Out
Carrying on and looking ahead
It was 38 years ago this week – and it still feels like it happened yesterday.
I was hanging out with friends on an unusually-mild late March afternoon in the small town of Newman Grove, Neb., when the older brother of a classmate happened along and took my bicycle for a ride. When I asked for him to return my bike so that I could go home, he offered to give me a ride.
Instead of going home, though, he drove me to a place behind the local swimming pool . . . and stole my innocence.
I’ve tried to forget that experience many times since then. I’ve tried ignoring the day, replacing the memory with drugs and alcohol, and doing anything else I could to try and erase that horrible moment in my life from my mind.
I’ve second-guessed myself for years, wondered if there was something else I could have done. Could I have escaped this monster and still come out of the experience alive? What if I had done this differently . . . what would have been the final outcome then?
For a lot of years, I chose not to talk about it. Better to act as if it never happened than have to revisit and re-create the events in my mind. It was bad enough dealing with the nightmares, the bedwetting, the bullying and all the negative experiences I was going through without actually coming out and talking about it.
Even if I would have, it would have been difficult to talk about surviving a sexual assault attack. Back in the 1970’s and 1980’s, sexual assault was not discussed openly – and especially if the target happened to be a boy. Boys NEVER get sexually assaulted . . . they’re always the perpetrators of the crime.
Thank GOD times have changed.
We still have a long way to go as we advance in the 21st century, but it’s becoming a lot easier for those of us who are survivors of sexual assault to talk about our experiences, express our emotions and drag our perpetrators out into the light of the criminal justice system to make sure they are punished for their crimes and carry the shame and the stigma that goes with being a perpetrator of a sex-related crime with them for the rest of their lives, much the same way we must carry on through life as a survivor of sexual assault.
This April, I’m speaking out about my experience and encouraging others to Tell Someone, Anyone and Everyone about sexual assault. I’ve taken a break from preparations for my speech to write this blog entry and encourage everybody to take a stand against this crime – especially if you’re one of those who have had this crime become a part of your life.
There is a lot of work that has yet to be done in this country to put this crime on the front burners of our legislators and criminal justice officials. As more and more survivors come forward and share their stories, it’s becoming more and more difficult for people in courthouses and state capitols across the country to ignore this crime and the impact it leaves on those it touches.
I won’t ever be able to undo what happened to me behind that public swimming pool in the spring of 1976 – and while we can’t go back and change what happened yesterday, we can look forward to tomorrow and work to make sure experiences we survivors have been through are dealt with and those who would commit these horrible crimes are given the proper judgement due them.
If you want to share your story with me, shoot me an e-mail at mike@mikeycproductions.com.
Talking about the real “madness”
For college basketball fans across the United States, the month of March is known as “March Madness.”
March is a special month for me as well . . . but for a far different reason.
On a warm spring evening in late March of 1976, my childhood and my sense of innocence was taken away behind the public swimming pool in the small town of Newman Grove, Nebraska. I was sexually assaulted by the teenage brother of a classmate who left me with one terrorizing thought — if I told anybody about what happened, he would hunt me down and kill me.
At the age of 9 years old, my life changed forever — all because of the madness brought forth by a sick, twisted excuse of a human being, one who had preyed on children before and continued to force himself on the less able-bodied until he finally found himself doing time in the Nebraska State Penitentiary before earning a permanent spot on the state’s Sex Offender Registry.
In the years since my attack, I’ve dealt with just about everything one could experience. The physical attack, the nightmares, the flashbacks, thoughts of suicide — my life is a literal day-to-day mixed bag of emotions. I’ve forgiven my attacker for the violent act he committed . . . but I’ve never been able to forget it.
My story is a story that is shared by more people than I care to count — in the 16 months since my book, “Call Me A Survivor” was published, I’ve had numerous people contact me, whether in person, via mail, e-mail or social media, and tell me their story. They were attacked by family members, a neighbor, a coach, a member of the clergy — people they thought they could trust. The physical wounds that are left behind may heal, but the emotional scars that are left behind will never go away. It will always be something that we, as survivors, will deal with on a daily basis until God calls us to our final resting place.
I was threatened with my own life if I stayed silent, but that wasn’t an option for me. When I ran screaming into the house, there was no hiding what had happened. Sadly, our justice system was ill-prepared, or maybe just completely unwilling, to deal with those who committed these acts of sexual violence against another human being. My perpetrator was a juvenile, and the probation he received was hardly a deterrent to his future sick acts against others. He developed quite a resume of violence before I finally helped put him in prison for a sexual assault he committed against a disadvantaged woman more than 20 years later.
It would be easy to wallow in self-pity and play the “poor me” card — but I’ve chosen a different route: I’m speaking out about my experience and encouraging others to do the same.
During the month of April, I’ve taken it upon myself to speak out during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I am going anywhere and everywhere that I can to bring my story to the world and raise awareness on a crime that is hurting our children at all ages, from our babies to our teenagers.
A Centers For Disease Control study has found that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before their 18th birthday. If you plugged those ratios into the current K-12 enrollment of every public and private school in my home state of Nebraska, that is more than 70,000 children — enough to fill Memorial Stadium at the University of Nebraska to more than two-thirds capacity.
My goal is to speak to as many people — not just in Nebraska, but anywhere and everywhere in the United States — about my experience and offer support and assistance to those who are living the hell that has been a part of my life for almost four decades. (NOTE: My calendar of speaking engagements is located on the right side of the page — scroll through the list of dates in April and stop by if you can make it to one of my engagements.)
This “madness” has got to stop — there are too many children in this country who are living this daily hell, and it’s time we make perpetrators aware of the fact that we are no longer going to be silent, and that we will tell someone, anyone and everyone about child sexual assault.
Inspired to action
I’ve been inspired into action.
When people ask why I would take a leave of absence from my job to speak out about sexual assault, that’s always been my first response.
I was sexually assaulted at the age of 9, and it’s an experience that continues to be a part of my existence on this earth. It’s something that will never NOT be a part of who I am, and this is something I’ve come to accept and use as the driving inspiration for what I’m about to do.
I’ve found that my communication of my experience to others has been a great benefit, both to myself as a sort of personal therapy and to others who have found inspiration and their own personal call to action in listening to my speech.
My first major speech in front of a group of people came last April during Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) activities at Wayne State College (check out the video of that speech here). My speech was a moving experience for a lot of people, including myself. It had confirmed a truth that it took a long time for me to understand, and I’m sure it opened the eyes of a number of young people in the audience who have struggled with it as well — we are not alone in this.
It’s become something of a tradition for me to hear from fellow survivors after my speech. I’ve had people come up to me immediately after a presentation and share their story with me. Others have waited and have contacted me, whether by e-mail or in face-to-face encounters, shared their experience and thanked me for having the courage to share my story. Knowing that my presentations have helped one person is all the inspiration I need to continue this work.
That’s why I’ve been inspired to action again, taking the risk of leaving my job for the entire month of April to speak out during SAAM anywhere and everywhere. We have a serious problem in this country when 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys have to endure the terror of this crime as a part of their lives. It’s a situation no child should ever have to live with, and I feel it’s worth the time and effort for me to share my story and encourage those who have been through this experience to speak out and Tell (Some/Any/Every) One.
This is a crime that relies on the silence of the victim in order for the perpetrator to be successful. When it comes to this crime, sex is all about power, and the perpetrator uses that power to keep his/her victims from spilling the beans. My perpetrator threatened my life if I told anybody – but I told anyway. My parents knew there was a problem and took action, and our family was essentially ostracized by the community for damaging the life of a local teenage boy (never mind the damage that he left on my physical and emotional well-being, scars that remain almost 40 years later). Getting fellow survivors to understand that the perpetrator wins ONLY through that intimidation of silence is why I continue to speak out about my own experience.
My inspiration to create a month-long speaking tour takes a lot of effort. I’ve spent almost every free moment I’ve had in the last several weeks contacting school districts, libraries, domestic violence organizations and child advocacy support groups to line up speaking engagements. I’m also asking for the support of anyone and everyone who can provide financial assistance that will help me with book printing, video production and travel costs through a funding project on Kickstarter. If you can help out in any way financially, it would be greatly appreciated.
We are not alone as survivors of sexual assault, and we need to tell our story to the world. The inspiration for this project comes from that simple truth, and I intend to spend the month of April sharing my message and inspiring others to their own personal action. I want to be the spark that fans the flames for survivors to open up, share their experiences and help them understand they are not victims – they are survivors.
Why speaking out is so important to me
As you may already know, I’m gearing up for a month-long speaking tour this April as part of Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
About a year ago, I received a phone call from a representative of Wayne State College in my home town of Wayne, Neb. They had heard about my book (which I had promoted in the local newspaper, part of the magic I enjoy with being the managing editor), and wanted to know if I’d like to be the keynote speaker for their Sexual Assault Awareness Month program at the college that April.
To say I was jazzed up about the opportunity was an understatement. Not even a week’s delay due to a rare mid-April snowstorm could keep me from speaking out about the topic. I was introduced to some fantastic people that evening and, judging from the reaction friends and family saw from some of those in attendance, I made a positive impact with my speech.
I’ve since taken my talk on the road and have talked with everybody from area school kids to retired citizens. It’s become something that I want to carry forward in an effort to continue helping those who have been through the horror of life as a survivor of sexual assault.
That’s why this month-long journey is so important to me — there are so many people out there who have been sexually assaulted and feel there is nowhere to turn, nobody to talk to and nobody who has experienced what they have.
I know that feeling — for a lot of years, I spent a lot of myself and my resources trying to find avenues to deal with my experience. I’ve stood on the brink of committing suicide, feeling that the burden had become too much to deal with anymore. I couldn’t talk to anybody, I thought, because nobody had been through what I’ve been through. Nobody has suffered in silence as I have. And why would anybody care — they have their own issues and challenges to deal with.
I don’t want one survivor of sexual assault to ever feel that way — and I don’t want them to suffer in silence. That’s why it’s so important for me to tell someone, anyone and everyone about my experience, and this speaking tour is going to help me accomplish that.
It’s taken a lot of years and a lot of garbage for me to get through to realize that God has a purpose for me. It seems crazy to think this, but maybe my experience happened because He wants to use me as His voice to help those who are either dealing with the experience or have had this happen to them in their lives and don’t know what they can do about it. Maybe if I were to take my experience, easily the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life, and turn it into a positive outcome that can help others — THAT is why I’m here.
This speaking tour is going to last throughout the month of April. I’m taking a month’s leave of absence from my full-time job (and I’m thankful to have the blessing and support of an outstanding and understanding employer) and my plans are to travel wherever I’m asked to deliver my message and — hopefully — offer hope and a voice to those who are going through this experience.
If you’d like to have me come to your school, community or organization, e-mail me at mike@mikeycproductions.com and I can share the details on what it will take on your end to help bring me to your area. I’m excited about what God has in store for me this April — the month can’t get here fast enough.
Taking the message on the road during SAAM this April
It’s been a little more than a year since my book “Call Me A Survivor” hit the streets, and I’ve been blessed to have had my story serve as an inspiration to others who have been through the experience of being a survivor of child sexual assault.
Last April, I was asked by representatives of Wayne State College in Wayne, Neb., to be the guest speaker during their Sexual Assault Awareness Month program. While I had given shorter versions of my story in the past, this was a chance to speak to a big group of people that I was honored to have the opportunity to take part in.
About 100 people saw my speech that evening, and the response was tremendous. I had a number of people thank me for having the courage to tell my story, and I could tell that they had a story they wanted to tell somebody, but weren’t ready to do so just yet. A friend of mine who attended said he saw several college-age girls leave the program in tears, a sign that what I had to say in sharing my experience hit home for them.
Since then, I’ve done a number of speeches in communities around my home town and have received a great response — and then it hit me.
With my ability to create and willingness to tell my story as a survivor, why not do as they say in the music business and take this show on the road.
And with that, a “world” tour was born.
During the month of April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), I plan on being on the road throughout my home state of Nebraska and other parts of the Midwest, speaking to any group willing to have me on hand to make a presentation about child sexual assault and what I am doing as a survivor. Whether it’s a small-town school or an auditorium full of people in the big city, I’ll go where I can during the month of April to help spread the word and, hopefully, help those who have been through this experience find their voice.
At this point, I am working to set up a schedule of speaking events. If you’re interested in having me as a guest speaker during the month of April (or even after that), e-mail me at mike@mikeycproductions.com and I can work with you on a date and time.
My goal is to give 50 speeches during the 30 days in April, and while my focus is on my home state of Nebraska, I’ll bring the program anywhere in the United States. When 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are living with this horrible crime in their lives, I’m not going to limit myself to my home state’s borders if I can help open the door for those who have lived with this terrible experience.
If you’re looking for a speaker for SAAM this April, I’m ready to rock.
Erin Merryn’s new book is outstanding
As I was preparing for my first interviews after publication of “Call Me A Survivor,” I ran across the name of a young lady from Illinois – Erin Merryn.
Her name came up in a Google search with a link that talked about “Erin’s Law,” an effort she began to put sexual abuse education and prevention in every public school in America.
To say the young lady is on a crusade would be like saying water is wet – in a short time she has seen her law passed in nine states (including Arkansas, which ran it through in a remarkable three weeks from first day of testimony to the governor’s signature) and has 19 more states looking at it during their respective 2014 legislative sessions (including my home state of Nebraska, which has a modified version of it, LB143, that makes it optional for school districts – I’ll be talking to state senators about upgrading it to the full version).
I downloaded her second book, “Living For Today” on my Kindle and found myself unable to put it down. I found myself looking back on some of my experiences as a survivor of sexual assault and feeling a lot of the pain she expressed in her writing. We have corresponded back and forth a few times on e-mail about getting Erin’s Law passed here in Nebraska, and I am happy to say that I’ve just finished reading her third book, “An Unimaginable Act” that she published earlier this month.
Merryn details not only her experiences as a survivor, but some of the health issues – physical, mental and emotional – that she has dealt with in her life. She also talks extensively about the work she has done to get Erin’s Law passed in her home state, as well as in other states such as Michigan and Arkansas, and her special moment last year when she was named one of Glamour magazine’s Women of the Year for 2012.
Merryn has had to overcome quite a bit. Not only her efforts to battle through the pain as a survivor of sexual assault, but overcoming those who doubted or didn’t believe in her. This is one self-determined young lady who refuses to take no for an answer when it’s something she truly believes in with all her heart. She is not the least bit afraid to talk about her experiences and to ask people in state governments across the country why we require schools to teach our kids about stranger danger and saying no to drugs, but we can’t educate them about safe and unsafe touch, safe and unsafe secrets or how to get away and tell today.
Erin Merryn is on a mission – and if your state doesn’t already have Erin’s Law in place, you need to call your state representatives and get them on board with it.
And, while you’re at it, get this book as well. “An Unimaginable Act” is an outstanding piece of work by an outstanding young lady. It’s a must read for anybody who is a survivor of sexual assault – or has one in their lives.
Don’t live in fear – be strong and Tell (Some, Any, Every) One
The great 19th century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
One year ago, my book, “Call Me A Survivor” was published. It is a personal account of my life as a survivor of sexual assault, and it was a project that I went into with an abundant amount of fear.
This wasn’t the first time that I had written about my experience – the first time I told anyone outside of my family and close circle of friends was when I wrote a letter to a district judge in Nebraska that helped put my perpetrator behind bars for an unrelated sexual assault he had committed 20 years after he attacked me. I had also written several personal columns in newspapers that I had worked for over the years, so writing about my experience wasn’t something I was afraid of doing.
There were, however, a lot of other things that scared me, things that could potentially impact or kill my hopes of writing this book:
– What if my facts regarding my case were wrong, which would damage my credibility to bring a personal account to the topic of child sexual assault?
– What if the people I interviewed didn’t want to talk about it? Remembering back that long is difficult in and of itself, but if the memories were too depressing or dark for them to deal with, they might not want to reflect back on that day.
– What if the book wasn’t well received? Would people even care about the life of a young boy who grew up with all of this negative energy that came from something that happened so long ago and still affected me almost 40 years later?
– There are many out there whose experience was more than a one-time occurrence, as mine was. Would people who had lived a life where they were abused repeatedly over the course of months and years, whether by one or more than one, be able to relate to my story? Would I be able to relate to theirs?
I faced all of these fears and, still, was able to summon the creative talent, energy, desire and will to write this book. And now that the book has been out, my focus has been on speaking publicly about child sexual assault, encouraging and supporting those who have been through the same experience, and work to help educate legislators and help pass stronger laws that educate the public and put those who commit this crime behind bars with stronger sentencing guidelines.
When we are attacked by our perpetrators, the fear and intimidation we face can also be countered by facing up to those fears and bringing our attackers to justice.
We are often told that nobody will believe us if we tell anyone about the crime our perpetrator has brought upon us. We are threatened with bodily harm, or financial distress, or a destruction of the family unit if we tell anyone about what has taken place.
Those fears are easily overcome, if you will just take action. That’s what the Tell (Some, Any, Every) One concept is all about – tell whoever you can, however many times it takes, until you bring your perpetrator to justice.
One of the first things my parents did after I was attacked – and remember, this is 1976 so this was some good thinking on their part – was to get me to a medical examiner. I was taken to my doctor’s office within minutes of the moment I ran screaming into the house, and I was checked out by my doctor and evidence was gathered that helped authorities make an arrest.
Today, most hospitals have what is known as a Sexual Assault Response Team, which includes medical and psychological personnel who can help deal with the medical issues and gather evidence that can be turned over to the authorities, which would help them in their investigation and eventual arrest and conviction of your perpetrator.
Perpetrators of sexual crimes, especially those who attack children, count on intimidation to hide their crimes and allow themselves to continue the attack, whether on the same individual or countless others. If those threats allow the fear of what might happen to keep us from bringing these evil creatures to justice, then the perpetrator wins. Only by overcoming that fear of the unknown to do the right thing and brings these individuals to their proper judgement will we be able to carry on and live the lives we deserve to live.
We have two choices as survivors of sexual assault – we can continue to live in fear, or we can face the fear and be stronger people because of it. I know which road I’ll travel on, and I pray that you will join me on that journey.
Erin’s Law needs to become THE law
In my last blog entry, I talked about how we, as survivors of sexual assault, are not alone.
What concerns me, as I have begun to speak publicly about my experience and what it’s like to go through life living what I have lived as a survivor, is that there are so many young people in this country who are living through the same hell that I’ve gone through — and so little is being done about it.
The Centers for Disease Control has determined that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before their 18th birthday. If you do the math, that’s about 20 percent of our population of young people who will have been subjected to this horrible crime – and who knows how many more are hiding what has happened to them?
Something must be done, and there is a young lady in Illinois who is making it her life’s work to do something about it.
Erin Merryn was twice a victim of sexual assault – first at the hands of the uncle of a childhood friend on her first-ever sleepover, and later at the hands of a cousin who assaulted her for two years before she decided to take action.
Merryn has helped craft “Erin’s Law” and is working to get it passed in all 50 states. At this writing, eight states have signed the legislation into law (including Arkansas, where a legislative committee was so moved by her testimony that they basically whipped the legislation through to the full Arkansas Legislature and got it passed in days, where most legislation takes months to approve). Another 18 states have it, or legislation similar to it, under consideration during the 2014 legislative year.
“Erin’s Law” requires schools in that state to provide age-appropriate curriculum for kids on sexual abuse, starting in preschool. Kids are educated on safe/unsafe touch, safe/unsafe secrets and “how to get away and tell today.” Her home state of Illinois first passed the law in 2011, with Missouri following later that year. Since then, it has become law in Indiana, Maine, Michigan, Arkansas, Mississippi and is soon to become law in Nevada.
Here in Nebraska, I’ve talked with my state senator, Dave Bloomfield of Hoskins, and he has sponsored LB143, which got out of committee during the 2013 session of the Nebraska Unicameral but did not get to the floor for consideration. I like to refer to LB143 as “Erin’s Law Lite,” as it does not require school districts to provide this curriculum. Instead, the bill requires the state’s Department of Education to craft a template that schools would have the option to use for developing this curriculum.
It’s not enough, however, to give school districts the “option” to determine whether or not their children need to be instructed on a topic that is of vital importance to their young lives. When 20 percent of the kids in this country are facing a life of hell as a survivor of sexual abuse, they need to be made aware of what is right or wrong and how to, as Merryn states, get away and tell today.
Nebraska isn’t the only state that’s dragging their feet on this issue. The state of New York has several influential individuals within their state legislature and the department of education who, for reasons logical thought can’t seem to grasp, are trying to put up a brick wall to keep Erin’s Law from becoming the law in New York. Although it passed the state’s Senate in April of 2012, it is still waiting to get through the House and to the governor’s desk for final passage.
Other states that has Erin’s Law under consideration include Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Hawaii, Iowa, Kansas, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Mexico, Ohio, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee and Utah. On the erinslaw.org website, it states that Erin “intends to lobby legislators in all 50 states until they all pass Erin’s Law.”
If your state isn’t on the list of states who have passed or are considering Erin’s Law, I invite you to check out erinslaw.org, which tells the story about the law, what is being done and provides a lot of useful information. Erin is out speaking about the topic on a national level, and will come to your state to lobby for the legislation.
One of my goals for 2014 is to make sure Erin Merryn comes to Nebraska to get the Legislature moving toward passage of LB143, as well as making an effort to upgrade that law and make it mandatory, not optional, for schools to educate their children about safe/unsafe touch, safe/unsafe secrets and how to “get away and tell today.” Our children shouldn’t have to live with the hell that we, as survivors, have been through. When 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are being sexually abused in this country, something has to be done, starting with the education of our kids. Erin’s Law needs to become THE law in all 50 states. Eight are on board . . . and I’m not going to sit back and let Nebraska wait to be among the next to join that list.
It’s time to let others know — we are not alone
One of the first things that I discovered, as I began to publicly talk about my experience as a survivor of sexual assault, is that I’m not alone.
After publication of my first book, “Call Me A Survivor” last fall, I began to speak publicly about my experience. I went on radio shows, did TV interviews and spoke to social and support groups in and around my home town of Wayne, Neb.
Without fail, there would be a connection with someone who had been through something similar to what I experienced behind the swimming pool in Newman Grove, Neb., back in the spring of 1976. Somebody would come up and tell me about how a family member, a friend of the family or somebody they believed they could trust had violated them and left emotional and mental scars that they never thought they could heal from — and they would come and thank me for being brave enough to tell my story and give them the encouragement to come to terms with what they had experienced.
Of course, by the time I began to speak publicly, I knew that my experience was not unique. In fact, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys under the age of 18 in the United States have been sexually assaulted — and how many more in the adult community had to grow up with this horrible experience as a part of their lives? Thousands? Millions? It’s hard to say for sure.
This past April, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of about 100 students at Wayne State College during Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I had been before small groups of people that I knew from other community events, but this would be the first time I’d be talking to a group of people I didn’t know (outside of the handful of family members and friends who attended).
I wasn’t sure what would happen when I was done — and was totally taken by an observation a friend of mine made after the program.
I had brought copies of my book along to try and sell, but when you’re playing to a room full of college students, you’re not going to do a lot in the way of sales because college students rarely have money and, if they do, they have more important things to spend it on than a book. (I was a college kid many moons ago, so I know I speak from experience on this . . . the only way I’d buy ANY reading material back then would be to use it as a cover-up for the bottle of alcohol I’d try to sneak into my dorm room.)
As the room cleared out, my family and friends were talking, and somebody asked me how many books I had sold. I knew it wasn’t much, but before I could answer, my friend stepped in and said, “Never mind how many books you sold — did you see how many kids walked out of here CRYING? You made a HUGE impact here tonight that went beyond how many books you sold.”
And he was right — I had a number of people come up to me in the days after that speech and tell me how important it was for them to hear my speech and know that they weren’t alone. And the fact that it was a GUY talking about being sexually assaulted was an even bigger deal — because guys aren’t supposed to be “victims” of sexual assault (although, undoubtedly, they are in far more frequent numbers than anyone wants to believe).
As I continued to speak to other groups, I realized that what I was doing is something that needs to be heard by more than just those people living within a 40-mile radius of me — this is a nationwide problem that needs as many voices out there speaking and advocating for something to be done to help those whose lives have been shattered by this horrible, unthinkable crime.
And so today — Sunday, Oct. 20, 2013 — just two weeks shy of the one-year anniversary of my book’s publication, I officially set out on my journey as a “professional” public speaker. I am speaking to the Thrivent Lutheran organization at their annual meeting — in my hometown, coincidentally — and will be speaking to a couple of schools in Nebraska this week and next (keep checking my schedule for updates). I am working on making contact with other schools, libraries and community groups to get the word out and get people thinking about what we can do to stop the sexual assault of children in the United States. (And if you’d like to get in touch with me about scheduling a date, e-mail me at mike@mikeycproductions.com and I will send information on to you.)
At the present time, I must juggle my speaking engagements with my present job as managing editor of The Wayne Herald, but my goal is to make public speaking and advocacy for those who are survivors of child sexual assault my life’s work on a full-time basis by my 50th birthday (May 17, 2016, if you’d like to mark that down on your calendar). It will take a good deal of time and effort, as well as an unshakable belief that this WILL happen, but it is something that I believe is more than worth the effort.
I believe it will happen, because I know that I’m not alone — and I will make sure those who have been through this experience know they aren’t, either.